"It's not forgivable."

Ruslan (fictitious name) is 43 years old. He is an entrepreneur from the Irkutsk region. When he was five years old, he was in the USSR (Sanatoriums in Odessa) for treatment for pulmonary tuberculosis... "Can't and won't do anything against these people.

February 23, 2022... In the Sports Club chat room, one of the participants comes up with the song "don't go to war with the Russians", "best commander-in-chief". I wanted to speak out, but I'm keeping quiet so as not to spoil people's holiday. 

Evening. Family dinner on February 23. I was not very happy about it, because the flus was growing at a rapid pace. My face twisted. My daughter prepared a quiz in which there is a question: "Why were the Russians at war? The correct answer (according to the child) was "only because they were defending their homeland"... Apparently, they tried in the garden... 

24.02.22... An appointment with a dentist-surgeon to remove a flus... I come in, I get a shot of anesthesia. Scalpel slams into my gum (as it turned out, at exactly 5:00 Moscow time). In hell of a pain ("anesthesia" missed the shot). I try to tell the doctor that today is the worst day of my life.

I came out of the clinic with a piece of ice. I spit out bright red blood on the snow... I felt half faint. An acquaintance of mine writes in my voice message "... Blah-blah-blah, Russia-24, special operation". I want to reply "I have my own operation here. REALIZATION... SHOCK... 

That day I definitely decided: no matter what it cost me, on the first day of the war I must, no, I must write on social media my attitude to it. So I did. I didn't take that post down, even when they started issuing "horse fines" for defamation. 

Then, however, when the flywheel of repression unwound, after about six months I had to close my profile from outsiders.

Went out to a rally. At the picket. I couldn't count how many green ribbons I put up... But they were torn down, cut off, removed.

For a long time I did not pay taxes. I got a bunch of fines for that, and I can't afford not to pay the state when I live in Russia. There is no way to leave. I try to support human rights defenders. But it often happens that it is impossible to donate from Russia because "Mir" is not accepted, and Visa and MasterCard have been switched off.