"I feel fully responsible for what my country is doing."

Photo from the personal archive of the author of the letter

Dmitry is a former medical worker. 40 years old, lives in Kolyma. "Symbolically, there were a lot of camps here," he writes. We present his letter with minor editorial corrections:

- For more than six months I have subscribed to you. The war that has entered our lives, has become habitual, has become just a constant irritant.

My political views have been formed since Crimea was taken over. I also tried to travel around Russia and saw a lot of problems that should be solved instead of stealing territories from other states. I was fed up with the constant discussion of "the West is our enemy" at a time when the top authorities have assets and residency permits there. Against this backdrop, there has been a surge in patriotism and a clampdown on the opposition. The cherry on the cake is the redrafting of the Constitution to suit Putinfuhrer.

Due to the specifics of my work (I have been in medicine for almost 20 years) there is no possibility to leave. And I don't want to leave either. I understand perfectly well that those who stay here will have to deal with all this later. I am fully aware of the responsibility for what my country is doing. It's a shame. It's shameful that my countrymen are all such believers, but at the same time "we should kill all the Khokhlos.

When the war started, I worked in medicine and had to communicate with a lot of people. And, as a rule, they empathized with their compatriots, not with their neighbors, who were attacked by my country on a far-fetched pretext under the aegis of defending Donbass.

By the end of the year, burnout happened. The stupidity of my fellow citizens reached its climax. I quit my job and stayed home for a month, hardly going anywhere. Then I got a job where there was minimal contact with people and I didn't have to listen to all this nonsense. I had a big fight with almost all my family and friends. Almost all of them were pro-war, victims of TV propaganda and the Z-Internet. One close relative is himself from Ukraine, but also for the war.

I realized that I didn't want to prove anything to anyone. My arguments do not move anyone: everyone thinks and does the right thing. Only those whose children went to fight in Ukraine have doubts in their hearts.

The state has begun to encourage snitching again. I try to speak out somewhere on the Internet. I keep in touch with Ukrainians in video chats and here (in Telegram). We try to cheer each other up somehow, although it's not easy.

I sincerely wish Ukraine a valiant victory (it comes at a high price) and for our country to put an end to its imperial ambitions. I hope this war will end soon. Glory to Ukraine!

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