"My soul is crushed by a concrete wall."

Marina is 56 years old. She has a college degree in economics. She does not understand why she is not exposed to propaganda. According to her, she had a microstroke because of her worries - she was lying in a hospital where nothing really works, and this is in our "Great" country.

- The second year of the war... with no end in sight, though, with the hope of a Ukrainian victory. Russia has already lost - morally, because there are few people capable of compassion, or at least empathy. 

We Russians were defeated by a symbiosis of fascism and Stalinism. It was as if some invisible dragon had bitten the heads off my fellow citizens. 

After February 24, 2022, some could not stop crying for days, some fell into depression. My soul was first crushed by a concrete wall, and then, a week later, I was knocked off my feet and rendered speechless by a microstroke. Probably from the unspoken, the unmourned.

I imagined everything at once: destroyed Ukrainian homes, dead people, murdered pets. The collapse of the Russian economy, a very dim and dusky future for my children on THIS earth. 

How absurd it all is.

Russia is undeveloped, looted by this Kremlin OCG, and our army has invaded a foreign country!

I am lying in the second week of the war in neurology: there is no separate toilet in the room, it is stuffy - there is no ventilation, the MRI machine in the city hospital does not work - the diagnosis is presumptive. And this is in the XXI century, in one of the regional cities of the resource-rich country!

I don't know why, but I am not susceptible to propaganda. And since my youth in the Komsomol, I have felt the absurdity of brainwashing young people. 

I had to cut my social circle threefold - I cannot talk to people who justify the deaths of old people, women and children in Ukraine.

I knew right away about these eight years of Donbass - a bloody spectacle of the FSB. 

"CrimeaNash" as a sense of impending disaster...

My grandson was born, I told my daughter-in-law and my son: "Your child should not have to study in the retarded system of Russian education. Think about it now.

She told her husband and son in September 2022: "There will be no murderers in our family, do what you want! But NO ONE will go to this massacre!" I fear for them...

Why do we need this cannibalistic war, with whom and for whom our military are dying?!

1 comment on "My soul is crushed by a concrete wall.

  1. Now I have found a place where the Russians gathered together as human beings. It was not easy to find you in the first days of the war, when our mothers were crying for the end of the war. There were always angry, bitter people ahead of us who wanted to destroy us.
    And now on the Russian television channel they are screaming about the genocide of the Ukrainian people and I still do not understand - how? How is it possible to raise such a monster, so that the first channels will absolutely enjoy the killing of people and prepare people for the massacres?
    But it did not begin at once. At first you criticized the Ukrainians on television as a disadvantaged nation that had been holding elections in the Maidan all the time. You were not against it, you were happy with everything - the oil money, the rise in the economy, Putin giving his hand to the international community, the two hundred and fifty...
    And we fought for our right to freedom and fair elections. As best we could. But you were satisfied with everything, because you did not think that the vertical, which was being elected, would attack everyone, that the National Guard, which was spreading, would take away your rights. You wanted not to be interested in politics and to live far away, to believe the news from the mouth of propagandists and to live with a quiet conscience. They believed and turned a blind eye to Chechnya, to the land torn away from them by the neighboring countries. Maybe some of you even had a little gratitude for the Crimea...
    But now, when things have gotten really bad, you realize that you have lost your future.
    And I do not feel sorry for you. However rightly you write today's words, my broken heart will never forgive you for being foolish, for your fight. I remember very well the history of my people from my grandmother, the displacement, the Holodomor, and I hoped that civilization had changed you.
    But no. I will never be able to hold hands with the best of you. I cannot forgive. I do not want your children to be bad, ni, I am very sad for them! But history has repeated itself and trust is lost forever.

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